It all started more than 20 years ago in 2002, I had been married to someone who was very physically and mentally abusive and had two infants when I decided to leave in 1995 to protect my children and myself. I was very cautious of never letting anyone close to me until I was sure the person would be good to me, for me and acceptable of my situation and loving to my children. What I thought was my FOREVER  was the exact opposite and ultimately led me to trying to commit suicide more than once. Every time I tried to set boundaries I would ultimately cave and lose part of myself over and over again until I don’t even recognize myself anymore. My whole life became silenced because I was made to feel that I was always in the wrong and no one wanted to hear what I had to say and my feelings didn’t matter.

My 20 year relationship, consisted of him cheating with our neighbor, a golf course employee, several people in Myrtle Beach (where he had a condo, that he purchased when we were together) one of our closest friends sister and ultimately my Sister-In-Law (who has been with to my brother for over 30 years and married for maybe 26 years +/-and I considered to be one of my closest friends). These are the known ones, who knows how many there actually were bc he told me he only cheated on his wife once and I came to know that there were several. This man has never been faithful to anyone, is not capable of having a committed relationship and is the most selfish egocentric manipulator I have ever known. 

The level of betrayal, lies, blaming me and the toll of the mental part of it was overwhelming. The fact that I felt I had no love or support was too much to bear at times. 

Am I perfect, absolutely NOT. Did I make mistakes, yes. BUT I HAVE NEVER EVER EVER CHEATED ON ANYONE (contrary to what the narcissist has or will say). I grew up with my Dad and Step-Dad cheating on my mom and I know the devastation and destruction it causes. I would never cause anyone that pain, especially someone I love. 

I know this all seems so black and white and quite easy to identify and walk away from but keep reading and checking back for new pages and additions to see why it was so difficult. BUTTERCUP THE MASTER MANIPULATOR (Good title for a book or a movie) is the best nightmare reality show never filmed.

I hope people read my story, identify with it and learn from my experience. I am here to offer support to anyone who may need it.